How to Use Humor to Build Bonds in Marriage

How to Use Humor to Build Bonds in Marriage

Humor can be an integral part of a solid marriage.

Humor can be a integral part of a solid marriage. During couples therapy, men and women develop an appreciation for what they are doing or not doing that bothers others. By learning to laugh at yourself as well as laugh with others, it lightens the load on a relationship weighed down with disagreements. Life isn't easy. Sometimes having a good, hearty laugh often lifts the weight of the world. According to an article by psychologytoday.com, people who are emotionally mature are able to laugh at their own weaknesses and shortcomings. On the other hand, narcissists often feel angry if someone makes fun of them. An old-fashioned comedic "roast," would create narcissistic rage in a narcissist. Laughing, though, is good for people. With couples therapy, people realize they are not perfect but life doesn't have to be somber and painful. Instead of laughing at your partner, learn ways to laugh together and share your own inside jokes.

Avoid Sarcasm in Marriage

While some people think sarcasm is a form of humor, it's actually hostility masquerading as humor. When relating to a spouse or partner, avoid sarcasm. Instead, get to the place of gut-level communication. Tell your partner how you feel about a particular situation without using sarcasm as a defense mechanism. The word sarcasm is from the Greek word meaning, "to tear the flesh off." Having a sarcastic attitude toward a partner only cuts at them or tears the relationship apart. When a spouse uses sarcasm, figure out the hidden message. Does he use a sarcastic tone when complaining about the messy house? Respond in a genuine way to solve the issue. Figure out a way to solve the real issue that still meets your own needs and goals.

Enjoy the Benefits of Humor

Some of the ways humor benefits your relationship includes forming a bond with you and your partner. Laughter often helps you smooth over differences. For example, use humor to talk about sensitive topics such as money problems or in-laws. Making a joke also diffuses tension and helps as a pattern interrupter when things are going in the wrong direction. Humor also helps you put things in perspective, overcome adversity and develop a more creative side. In a relationship, it's fun to loosen up and encourage playfulness.

Tap into Your Playful Side

Sharing a laugh often lets couples reconnect and gain a new perspective. If you are stuck in rigid ways of acting, open up by laughing. At the same time, make sure your partner is in on the joke. Again, some partners with personality disorders don't share the ability to laugh at themselves. Also, don't use humor if it's just a way to cover up your real feelings. If you feel sad about a certain situation, don't deflect with laughter. During couples therapy, individuals develop an intelligent sense of humor by understanding nonverbal cues, avoiding a mean-spirited approach and tapping into a playful side.

Some couples improve their bond by watching comedies on television or listening to comedians. Laughing helps to release the feel-good hormones in the body so you actually bond. Having a more playful marriage also reminds most people of the beginning stages of the relationship when there was more dating, frivolity, seduction and romance. Even if you have been married for more than a decade, it's possible to bring back the butterflies in the stomach. 

For help communicating and using humor to bond, consider couples therapy. A good counselor helps you communicate at a deeper level and show respect for your partner. For more tips on how to get started healing a marriage and bringing the fun back into your relationship, get in touch with me.

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Specializing in Women's Issues

National Certified Counselor