Hey there, I’m Mary Shull. If you’re juggling love across different time zones, you know the thrill and the challenge it brings. Keeping a spark alive when you’re apart takes more than a good video call—it takes heart, creativity, and some solid tricks up your sleeve. In this guide, I’ll share real numbers, stories from my practice, and practical tips on how to maintain a long-distance relationship so you both stay close—no matter the miles between you.
Some Eye-Opening Stats on Long-Distance Love
Believe it or not, long-distance relationships (LDRs) aren’t just a college fling phase—they’re everywhere. Right now, over 28 million people in the U.S. find themselves in an LDR, and a full 24.5% of Americans say they’ve been in one at some point. Even cooler: 75% of engaged couples report having weathered a period apart before tying the knot.
When it comes to sticking power, surveys show about 60% of long-distance relationships last beyond the distance phase. And if you ever thought LDRs were just for a few months, think again—some couples hold strong for decades. The longest recorded LDR? A whopping 44 years before these two finally closed the gap.
On the day-to-day front, LDR couples swap an average of 343 texts per week and spend around 8 hours chatting on the phone or video each week. Those little check-ins add up fast and keep you both in the loop, even when life gets hectic.
How to Maintain a Long-Distance Relationship
Here are seven of my go-to strategies for keeping the love alive when you’re miles apart. Mix and match these ideas to find your groove.
1. Set Regular “Us” Times
Agree on a weekly schedule—maybe Sunday brunch call or mid-week coffee break. Consistent check-ins give you both something to look forward to. Treat these sessions like real dates: dress up a bit, share a meal, or play a quick game.
2. Share Little Surprises
Send each other random care packages or e-gifts. A surprise playlist, a handwritten note in the mail, or even a silly meme can spark joy.
- Pick a theme: movie night snacks, self-care goodies, or local treats.
- Switch it up: one month you mail snacks, next month you send a scavenger-hunt clue.
- Keep it small: it’s the thought that counts, not the price tag.
3. Celebrate Milestones Together
Don’t let birthdays or anniversaries slide just because you’re apart. Create a shared countdown calendar. Pop a bottle over video, watch a synced movie, or mail surprise gifts ahead of time. Those shared memories build your story across the miles.
4. Keep a Shared Photo Journal
Make a private shared album—Google Photos or a dedicated app—and drop a snapshot whenever something reminds you of them. A street musician’s tune, your dog’s goofball face, or a flower you picked. Over time, you’ve got a living scrapbook of your shared life.
5. Plan Visits—Real and Virtual
Set clear plans for when you’ll see each other next, even if it’s months away. And while you wait, plan mini virtual dates: cook the same recipe over video, take a walk “together” while on the phone, or do a workout class at the same time. It brings you closer, even when you can’t share the same space.
6. Talk About the Future
Lay out loose goals for closing the gap—careers, finances, or moving plans. Having a rough timeline shows you’re both on the same page. It doesn’t have to be set in stone, just a shared hope to aim toward.
7. Keep It Real—And Fun
Be honest about the hard days: loneliness, jealousy, or stress. Sharing those low moments builds trust. And then balance it with fun stuff—virtual board games, random “just because” texts, or themed date nights (80s night, anyone?).
Top Mistakes to Avoid in an LDR
So, how to maintain a long-distance relationship and avoid mistakes? Long-distance love can thrive if you spot these traps before you fall in. Here’s what to watch out for:
- Sweeping Issues Under the Rug – Ignoring small annoyances today means bigger blowups later. If texting starts to feel stale or one of you snaps at the other, pause and talk it out instead of pretending everything’s fine.
- Random Surprise Visits – A surprise plane ticket sounds romantic, but showing up unannounced can cause stress—work, family or routines get thrown off. Always run big plans by your partner first so the moment stays sweet.
- Expecting Nonstop Contact – You can’t chat every waking hour without burning out. Set boundaries on message volume and respect each other’s downtime. Trust grows when both of you know space won’t mean “I don’t care.”
- Comparing to Other Couples – Seeing grinning friends or social feeds of other LDRs can trigger doubt. Remember your story is yours. Focus on your wins instead of someone else’s highlight reel.
- Overlooking Self-Care – If you spend all mental energy on the relationship, your own life suffers. Keep your routines, hobbies, and friendships alive. A happier you makes for a stronger “us.”
- Skipping Check-Ins on the Future – If you never talk timeline, you risk drifting apart. Carve out time to discuss next steps—visits, moving plans or career shifts—so both of you stay on the same page.
- Letting Jealousy Rule – A jealous text here or a suspicious question there turns quick. Own your feelings early, share them calmly, and avoid accusatory tones that spark fights instead of fixes.
Real-Life Cases From My Practice
The Overeager Plan
Jake and Sara were in a whirlwind romance—he lived in Chicago, she was in Miami. After three months of daily calls, he thought a surprise visit would top off their long-distance story. He booked a red-eye, landed in Miami at dawn, and showed up at Sara’s door with flowers. Instead of swooning, Sara was frantic—she had an early staff meeting, her sister was in town, and her cat was sick. The moment that was meant to feel like a rom-com scene turned into a scramble to juggle work calls, family duties, and a panicked boyfriend in her living room.
Over the next few days, they tiptoed around the tension. Jake felt unappreciated, Sara felt cornered. In therapy, they unpacked expectations versus reality: Jake wanted grand gestures, Sara thrived on planned surprises. They agreed on a compromise—after that, any surprise visits would come with at least a week’s notice. Lesson learned: even the best surprise needs a little heads-up so both hearts—and calendars—are ready.
The Silent Treatment Slip
Ella and Amir had a minor spat over a missed video date. Hurt feelings led Ella to go quiet—no texts, no calls—for two days. Amir’s inbox and phone sat silent; he assumed she needed space. But Ella was waiting for him to break the ice, convinced it was on him to apologize. A full week passed before a single heart emoji popped up in Amir’s chat, followed by a message: “Hey, everything cool?” That one emoji cracked the frost.
When they finally talked, they realized they were both stuck in pride traps. Ella worried she’d seem clingy; Amir didn’t want to seem needy. After hashing it out, they set a “24-hour cool-off” rule: if either goes silent for more than a day, they send a “thinking of you” text to check in. This little safety net stopped the silent standoffs before they started and reminded them that communication—any communication—is better than radio silence.
The Coffee-Table Revelation
Back in the late ’90s, I counseled a couple who built their bond with a simple coffee-table scrapbook. Laura was in London; Mark was down in Sydney. Every month, they’d mail each other a few items: ticket stubs from concerts, Polaroids of their street food adventures, pressed flowers from park walks. When the packages arrived, they’d spread everything out on their respective coffee tables, then video call to flip through the pages together.
Over the years, their scrapbook swelled from a slim pamphlet to a chunky book full of memories: postcards from Tokyo, wristbands from music festivals, doodles done during long airport layovers. Whenever one felt lonely or stressed, they’d flip through the pages and laugh or cry together. It was a ritual that made miles feel meaningless. Last I heard, they’d logged 15 years of LDR before finally moving in together—and that scrapbook now sat on their shared coffee table, a tangible testament to love that refused to let geography win.
Quick Wins: Tools and Hacks to Keep You Close
Here are my favorite simple tricks for instant connection:
- Shared Playlist: Update a joint Spotify list with songs that make you think of each other.
- Tiny Notes: Text a single word or gif that tells them “I’m here.”
- Virtual Background Dates: Choose the same wallpaper on video calls—makes you feel in the same room.
- Countdown Widget: Add a homescreen widget showing days until your next meetup.
- Photo-a-Day Swap: Post one pic daily to a private chat—shared life in living color.
- Voice Memos: Skip text, send a 10-second voice note to hear real tone.
- Staggered Gift Drops: Mail small treats at odd intervals, not all at once.
- Online Game Night: Pick a simple game—Scrabble or trivia—so you laugh together.
Try one or all of these hacks to shrink those miles right now!
Conclusion
Keeping love strong across miles isn’t rocket science, but it does need effort and a sprinkle of creativity. By setting solid routines, sharing surprises, celebrating milestones, and staying honest about the tough days, you’ll build a bond that can outshine any distance. Remember—those miles aren’t a barrier, they’re the backdrop for a story you write together. Here’s to your next video date and all the little moments that keep you close, no matter where you are.
